Zombies
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room. He’s wearing a cardboard box made to look like Steve from Minecraft on his head) G-man: Hello, everyone! I- Oh! Hold on for a second… (He takes the head off) It’s hard to breathe with that thing on! Now, where was I? Oh yeah! I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that. And happy October, everybody! As you can tell by my costume… (He holds up the Steve head again) I’m very excited for Halloween! (He puts it back down) And since it’s the season to spook, of course I have to review something Halloween related! Alright, let’s see what we have in my little black book… (The G-man pulls out a black book titled Little Black Book. He flips through the pages while mumbling to himself) G-man: We have shout out to a fellow reviewer, already did that, the Mushroom Age, ooh! That that was good one! Board game review, did that… (The G-man flips the page one last time. Cut to a page that says, “Why not do another?”. Cut back to the G-man with a lightbulb over his head) G-man: That’s it! (He slams the book shut and the lightbulb disappears) Zombies! (Spooky Scary Skeletons starts as we cut to the G-man unboxing the Zombies board game) G-man (V.O): Zombies is a very fun board game where- (He sighs) Stop the music! (The music stops) Do we have a zombie related song? (A buzzer sound is heard) Well, do we have anything else that’s Halloween related? (The rock cover of this is Halloween by Hungry Covers plays) That’s a little better… Anyway, as I was saying, Zombies is a very fun board game where you are trying to survive in a zombie apocalypse. You play as, and I’m quoting from the instruction manual, one of six “Shotgun Guys” that are trying to escape the zombie-infested city via helicopter. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Because if you’re smart enough to hold a shotgun, you’re smart enough to fly a helicopter! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): The goal of the game varies on which version of the game you’re playing. In this case, the goal is to either get to the helicopter first, or kill 25 zombies. There are dice, location tiles, event cards, bullet tokens, life tokens, and of course the zombies. There are over 100 zombie figures each with a unique pose. To kill a zombie, you roll a die. If it’s a four or higher, you kill the zombie. Otherwise, you lose a life and roll again. If you lose all three of your lives… (Imitating Heavy from Team Fortress 2) You are dead! Not big surprise! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man (In normal voice): What? I do a good impression! Screw you! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): There is a way to raise your number up. If you discard one of your bullet tokens, your number goes up by one. Use enough, and you kill the zombie. You can find more life and bullet tiles on designated spaces like (Shows the corresponding location cards) the fire station, the hospital, and the… Toy store? (Cut back to the G-man looking confused at the toy store location card) G-man: A toy store. In a zombie apocalypse board game? (He chuckles) Okay, that’s funny! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): The event cards are used during the end of your turn. You can play them on yourself like the Hey Look, a Shotgun card, and the other players like the Butter Fingers card. There are also event cards that you can play in specific locations. For example, if you’re in the fire station, you can play the Fire Axe card. (He holds up the starting point and helipad location cards) These are the two most important location cards in the game. The starting point is as it says, and the helipad is the goal depending on which version of the game you’re playing. At the very end of your turn, you roll the die. The number that appears is the number of zombies you can move. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: And I think that’s pretty much it! Of course, with such a great game, there has to be some expansion packs! (He holds up an expansion box) The only one I have at the moment is Zombies 7. Which is called… (The G-man looks at the cover and stares in disbelief at what he sees. Cut to the cover of the box in which it’s revealed to be subtitled, “Send in the Clowns”. Cut back to the G-man laughing) G-man: Did this game seriously have zombie clowns? Okay, that’s three pieces of media with zombie clowns! This, Left 4 Dead 2, and Zombieland! (He laughs some more) This is amazing! (He gets back up to his desk) Well, I am the G-man, and that’s all you- (He is interrupted by static) What the hell?! (The static occurs again) Seriously, what’s going-? (The static occurs one last time. When it disappears, it cuts to an unamused FanFic Critic crossing her arms) G-man: Oh! FanFic Critic! Long time, no see! (He notes how she’s looking) You don’t look happy… FFC: You’re damn right I’m not happy! I was in the psychiatric ward for over a month because of your stupid Barney review! G-man: Oh yeah! I heard they also gave you their “Patient of the Year” award! FFC (Sarcastically): Har, har, har! (In normal tone) Well, now that I’m back, I’ve spent a long time figuring out my revenge. And I think I’ve got it! (She pulls out a remote control and presses one of the buttons. Cut to static, and then to the opening to Barney’s Big Surprise. Cut to static and then to the G-man) G-man: What?! Oh, come on! Didn’t you see my Barney’s Great Adventure review? (Cut to a clip from said episode) Past G-man: a minute… (He laughs happily) I have no more Barney movies to review! Past Pinkie Pie: Really? Past G-man: Yeah! I know there are more out there, but I’m not touching those! Past Pinkie: You’ve done enough, let me tell you that! (Cut back to the FFC looking confused) FFC: Um… Was that-? G-man: Yeah, it’s best not to ask… FFC: Right… Anyways, since you’re reviewing it, you’ll obviously have to review it with someone else! But it sure as hell won’t be me! G-man: Well then, who am I going to get to review it with? You’re not helping, I haven’t heard back from Joe, I’m not subjecting Pinkie to another on of those monstrosities, and Tattletail is… Well, Tattletail! FFC: Fine! I guess I’ll have to call in a friend. (She pulls out her phone, dials an anonymous number, and holds it up to her ear) Hello? Yeah, it’s the FanFic Critic. (Silence) Uh-huh. (More silence) Yes. (Even more silence) You’re on your way now? Good! Okay, bye! (She hangs up) Alright, he’s on his way. Have fun! (The FFC laughs manically before we cut to static, and then to the G-man) G-man: Wait, who’s “He”? (There’s a knock at his bedroom door) Yes, come in! (The door opens to reveal the Cinema Snob with the song Believe it or Not by Joey Scarbury playing in the background) G-man (With audio dubbed by Stewie from Family Guy): Say whaaaaaat? Category:Episode